p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
