if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
