What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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