i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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