Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
