She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
