Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
