just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
