Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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