Don't you send me to vm
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
