So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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