yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
