Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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