the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im holly from the hills drunk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
