Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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