Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
