I puked a lego.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
