dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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