Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
