mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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