Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
