You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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