I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
