i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Too much gin, very little bucket
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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