We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Operation Purity has been aborted
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
