it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
