she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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