I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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