FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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