thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
