if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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