dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
