are you still at the devil's house?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
