hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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