If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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