Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You're like the curious george of whores
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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