i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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