I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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