Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He has the fingertips of a God
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
