That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
