My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
