its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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