My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
