Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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