I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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