Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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