the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
