Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
