i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
