So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
