I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
