Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
