Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
