Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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