omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
