I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
