I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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