You just made me feel so damn special
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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