her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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