if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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