No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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