no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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