Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
